


The Accident

by Kaetlynn



Category: Chicago Fire
Genre: Accidental overdose, Depression, Gen, Ghost Andy/Hallucinations, Nightmares, PTSD, Passive Suicidal Ideation, Traumatic Brain Injury, discussion about suicide
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-08
Updated: 2019-06-08
Packaged: 2020-04-23 03:34:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,537
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19142725
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kaetlynn/pseuds/Kaetlynn
Summary: Ben and Griffin Darden come back to Chicago to stay with Uncle Matt, permanently. Ghost!Andy is still alive and kicking(in a matter of speaking). Sequel to Unglued.





	1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own Chicago Fire; that is NBC's department. I am just having fun with their characters.

Author's Note: _The Accident_ is the second story in the _Unglued_ 'verse. If you have not read _Unglued,_ you may want to go back and read it just so events in this story make more sense. It is mostly AU, although I try to keep characterizations within the canon. You don't _have_ to read _Unglued_ for this story to make sense, but it might help. For instance, reading _Unglued_ would help explain why Andy shows up randomly.

When I wrote this story, Dawsey was A Thing, and while I was not a shipper(Sevasey all the way) I tried to work the Dawson/Casey relationship into this story. It's pretty minor and understated. This story, to me, was more about continuing the Andy ghost thing and the Casey traumatic brain injury recovery thing. So please don't let the Dawson thing scare anyone off. Truthfully, it's not really shippy in any way, just kind of angsty and sad.

This story is from years ago, and I am pretty much reposting it on AO3 as-is, with a few minor edits. I am trying to get everything from my ff.net and AO3 accounts synced up, at least from my CF stories. I have a final chapter in the works for this story, and of course my current story _One Shot_ is still going to be regularly updated.

 

Italics are from Casey's POV.

 

 

_The Accident_

 

Chapter One

 

A visit from two detectives at your place of work in the middle of the day was never anything good.

_Never_ good news.

Dread swept over Casey as Antonio and Erin dragged folding chairs to the front of Casey's desk. Antonio ran a hand over his face tiredly and cleared his throat. "Matt, CPD got a call from the Miami-Dade County Sheriff's Office today." He looked at Erin anxiously. "Did you know that's where Heather had moved with the boys?"

Casey's stomach immediately bottomed out. "Heather? What happened, is she okay? What about Ben and Griffin?"

"Matt, I'm sorry, but Heather passed away this morning." Antonio looked away. He had delivered this type of news dozens of times, but never to a friend, much less his little sister's boyfriend. The look on Casey's face hit him like a sucker punch.

"I….I don't understand. She's dead? What happened?"

"It's too early for an official report from the coroner, but from what was in the report from the responding officers, Heather didn't wake up to get the boys ready for school. Ben went in to wake her up, and she wasn't moving. They called 911, but when paramedics got there, they said she had already been dead for hours."

Casey choked for air. " _Ben_ found her? Jesus. _Jesus,_ Antonio. Did she…"

_Did she kill herself?_

Antonio finished Casey's thoughts for him. "They don't know, Matt. There wasn't any suicide note. There was a bottle of wine and a prescription bottle of sleeping pills on the bedside table. It looks like an accident. The wine bottle was empty, but there were only several pills missing from the prescription bottle. They're performing an autopsy to find out for sure. We don't know if she took anything else."

Casey imagined Ben trying to shake his mother awake in futility. His eyes filled with tears at the horrible thought. He angrily dug at his eyes with his fingers in an attempt to hold them back, at least until he was alone. "God. I can't…where are the boys now?"

Erin spoke up. "They're with child protective services. They're safe, and they're being taken care of. That's also part of why we're here."

Antonio nodded. "You're named legal guardian of Ben and Griffin, you have been for years."

"I know…Andy and Heather had that all done officially years ago. That's how I had the boys last year while Heather was in prison. What do I do now?" Casey thought out loud. Everything was coming at him so quickly, he couldn't even react. His heart hurt at the thought of Ben and Griffin, orphaned, all alone in a strange city without any family. He _had_ to be the one to take care of them. He couldn't let them get put into foster care and get split up. He just couldn't do that. Andy was like his brother, and if he could do _anything_ at all _,_ it was going to be to take care of his children.

Erin handed him a card with a phone number written on the back. "You could get in contact with CPS in Miami, they're the ones who would handle all that." She reached out and covered Casey's hand with her own. "Matt, I'm so sorry for your loss. You know if you need anything, you have Antonio and my numbers, right?"

Casey nodded; he was still numb with shock. Antonio and Erin got up to leave; Casey thought they said something, but their words didn't register. He waited until they left and closed the door to get up and shut the blinds on the window to his office. The last thing he needed was someone else to walk by and see him falling apart. He slumped into his chair and glanced at the framed photo of himself, Andy, and Severide. Casey put his head in his hands.

_God, Heather. How could you do that to Ben and Griffin? After everything they've already been through._

Casey stopped himself. He knew Heather was hurting. She was obviously having problems sleeping. She should have known better than to mix that much alcohol with sleeping pills, though. It was a tragedy, those boys left without their parents. Both times, because of stupid, _stupid_ accidents that were completely avoidable. He dropped his chin down against his chest, and tears slid across the bridge of his nose. He grabbed his jacket and buried his face in it in a feeble attempt to muffle the choked, broken sounds coming from his mouth.

There was no goddamn way the rest of those papers were getting filed today.

When Casey finally emerged from his office, he headed straight for Chief O'Reilly's office. He rapped gently on the half-open door. "Lieutenant Casey! Come in, come in." He looked up from his computer and did a double take upon seeing Casey's face. "What happened? You look like hell."

"I got some bad news, Chief. I need to take the rest of the day as a personal day. I'm sorry, I have to go take care of some things." Casey's voice sounded shaky. "Family things," he offered in half-explanation. He didn't want to explain everything, not unless he was questioned.

Chief O'Reilly took off his glasses. "Absolutely, whatever you need. Is there anything I can do?"

"No, not really. I just need the rest of today." Casey became aware that he was clenching his fists, the muscles in his arms contracting sharply.

"No problem, Lieutenant. Take what you need."

Casey nodded and got out a "Thanks, Chief" before he turned and left the office abruptly. He had to get out of there as soon as possible. He needed to go home and get in contact with CPS in Miami; he needed to figure out if he could call Ben and Griffin and talk to them. He thought they would need to hear a familiar voice, even if it was over the phone.

He needed to call Severide, too.

* * *

Casey slammed the phone down angrily. He had tried to contact the Darden boys' case worker through the number for Miami CPS Erin had given him. So far, he was connected to three different departments, then put on the line with someone who said they would take down his information and call him back. He knew that it was a complicated issue, but there had to be an easier way to find out information. He was Ben and Griffin's legal guardian now, for God's sake.

His phone rang, and Casey grabbed for it nervously. It wasn't Miami CPS.

It was Severide.

_Shit._

He answered reluctantly. "Severide."

"Hey. I thought you weren't going to call. You off work yet? Still want to go get those beers?" Severide's voice was light and carefree. It made the news Casey was about to deliver that much harder to say.

"Kelly. Antonio and Erin came to see me at work today, a little while after you left. The sheriff department in Miami got in contact with CPD. That's where Heather moved with Ben and Griffin after she was released from Cook County."

"Why? Did she get arrested again?"

"Heather's dead, Kelly. They think she overdosed on sleeping pills on top of a bottle of wine."

There was silence on the other end, then a long exhale. "Poor Ben and Griffin. _Fuck._ "

"I'm their legal guardian now. I've been on and off the phone with child services in Miami, but I haven't gotten hold of someone yet who can tell me what is going on." Casey tried to swallow the permanent lump in his throat. "You can still come over, if you want. Gabs will be home from the Academy in a few hours." He hoped Severide would come over, he needed someone to just _be there_ now.

"Yeah, sure. You need me to bring anything over?"

"Not really. Just come." Casey tried and failed to keep the pleading out of his voice.

"Give me a half hour." Severide hung up the phone without a goodbye. His tone had switched from upbeat to somber in the span of about a minute.

Casey pressed end on his cell. CPS hadn't tried to call when he was on the phone with Severide. He had a feeling he would be waiting a while for a call back. He looked around the empty kitchen. It was five o'clock already. Gabby was just getting done at the Academy; she'd be home soon. He got up and opened the fridge door in search of a beer. Nothing but NAs, and those would just have to suffice.

He twisted off the cap and took a long pull of the beer, eyes closed. He opened them to find Andy standing in front of him. He nearly jumped out of his skin.

"Christ, Andy. Warn a guy, huh?"

Andy pressed his lips together; his chin trembling. "Matt. I know, about everything. You gotta promise me you'll take care of my sons. You're the only person they have now. It wasn't supposed to happen this way. They weren't supposed to grow up like this." Andy was crying now, shamelessly, not bothering to dash away his tears. "Everything got so fucked up, Matt. You gotta make sure they end up okay. Please."

Casey was speechless. His throat felt like it was closing up, the entire room spun around him. He finally croaked out, "I promise, Andy. I promise." Andy gripped Casey's hands in his own. Casey could swear he could feel the cool flesh against his own.

There was a sudden knock at the door. _That would be Severide._ Andy had disappeared, and Severide was at the door. Casey dragged a sleeve across his face and crossed the room to open the front door. Severide was holding a huge paper bag from the local market. "Hey. I got here as quickly as I could. I brought you something to eat. I thought maybe you might get hungry." He stepped through the doorway and grabbed Casey's shoulder. "Anything you need, anything at all. I'm always here, brother."

Casey nodded, "Thanks, Kelly." He looked around awkwardly. "I still haven't gotten a call from Miami CPS. If I don't hear from them in five more minutes I'm calling them back and giving them a piece of my mind."

As if on cue, they both turned towards the kitchen as the sound of Casey's cell ringing startled them. Casey ran to answer it. He didn't recognize the number. It had to be the case worker from Miami.

"This is Matthew Casey."

"Hello, Mr. Casey? This is Ms. Owens with Miami CPS. I'm sorry I couldn't call you sooner. I've tried to get some things worked out here on my end. We have a lot to discuss, but I am actually here with Ben and Griffin, and they're both really anxious to talk to you."

Casey exhaled a shuddering, heavy breath. "Put them on." He heard a shuffling and transferring of the phone, then a quiet voice.

"Uncle Matt?"

 

 

TBC


	2. Chapter 2

Author's Note: Italics in this chapter are from Casey's POV. I'm not getting too technical with the CPS and custody stuff, because frankly, I have no clue how to write that in. I tried to look some things up, and laws are different in every state. I hope the way I chose to write it is not distracting or ridiculous.

 

Chapter Two

 

 

"Uncle Matt?"

"Ben. I'm here." The sound of Ben's voice sent an aching pang through Casey's chest. He shut his itchy, puffy eyes, and searched for something, anything to say to Ben.

_What the hell do I say to a kid who found his mother dead this morning?_

Not much, it turned out. Ben dissolved into coughing sobs, spluttering out indecipherable phrases.

"Ben. I am _so_ sorry for what happened to you and your brother, and I want you to know that I'm going to make sure the both of you are taken care of from now on." Casey's throat felt as if it had closed up. He could barely force any words out from between his lips.

"Are you coming to get us?" Ben had stopped his violent sobbing, for the time being, to get out a coherent thought.

"I don't know exactly how it's going to happen, but you and Griffin'll live with me in Chicago."

"I miss mom, Uncle Matt."

"I know, Ben."

Casey had tried to get Ben to put Griffin on the phone, but Griffin refused. "Griffin isn't talking a lot, Uncle Matt. Sorry."

"Don't be sorry, Ben. You don't have anything to be sorry for. I love you, you know?" Casey could hear Ben sobbing brokenly again; he wanted nothing more than to be able to be in the same room with Ben and Griffin now, to be able to hold them and offer more than a few clichéd words of comfort over the phone. "Why don't you put Ms. Owens back on the phone, Ben? I still need to talk to her about some important things. You can call me later if you want, okay?" Ben handed off the phone without another word.

By the time Casey ended the call, his battery was on the verge of death. He blew out a long exhale and crossed the room to plug his phone back in to charge. "The boys' case worker is going to send me all their paperwork. When everything goes through, I'm getting them one way tickets from Miami to Chicago." He slumped into a chair at the dining room table, his shoulders sagging. "I'm going to try as hard as I can to get them up here as soon as possible. I hate to think of them in their situation with no one or nothing familiar around them."

Severide finished off his coffee. "Can't argue with that. Is there anything I can help you with? Are you going to have the boys stay in the same room as last time?"

Casey ran his hands through his hair. "I don't know. Probably. It was cramped and crowded last time. I didn't have time to prepare then. I'll have a few days to get some stuff together. They need beds, actual beds, not just the fold out sofa bed."

"I can help you with that. After tomorrow, I have the next two days off. I'm all yours. Whatever you need help with; anything I can do for Andy's boys."

Casey offered a wan smile. "Thanks, Kelly. I can't ask Gabby to help me now, she's only got a few more weeks in training before she takes the physical. She's a little distant at the moment." He hesitated before continuing spilling, "We were going to get a place of our own. I've been looking for weeks. I've found two or three places that looked good. These apartments had everything we wanted. They were close to work; they had a porch or balcony, and a guest room. The rents were within our range, too. She found something wrong with all of them. _All_ of them, Kelly; she wouldn't even go to take a look at these places. I don't know. It just feels like I'm the only one putting any effort here. I'm really trying." Casey angrily slammed his fist down on the table, ignorant of the numbing pain it caused.

"Can you imagine trying to move into a new apartment while getting the boys moved up here and taking care of all the official stuff? Sounds like a nightmare to me." Severide countered. "I saw Dawson with Ben and Griffin last time. She really connected with them. I think it'll be good to have her around."

"I hope you're right, Kelly." Casey's expression was blank, and he was ashen pale. Severide wondered if he had eaten since the coffee and donut he brought him that morning. "Not to change the subject, but do you want something to eat? I brought you all kinds of stuff. You should eat. Not trying to tell you what to do, but you look like you've dropped a lot of weight recently."

"I know. I was at the doctor the other day. I hadn't noticed until he brought it up."

"Good, so that means you're eating what I brought." Severide opened the fridge, where he had placed all the containers of food: sliced roast beef, cheese, baked beans, and pasta salad. He grabbed a beer for himself from the six-pack he brought and a pitcher of iced tea for Casey. He stacked ingredients together for a sandwich, and then sliced it in half. "Dawson should be home soon, right? Does she know about any of this?"

"Yeah, I'm not sure what's taking her so long. I haven't called her yet, and I figure Antonio didn't call her either. If he did, she would have called me for sure."

Severide and Casey looked towards the front door when they both heard the turn of the key. Casey's phone rang at that exact moment. "Christ. It's the boys' case worker again. I have to take this. Can you, I don't know, grab Gabby a beer and tell her I'm not trying to ignore her?" Casey made a quick escape into the den, grabbing his phone and notepad and pen on the way. Severide closed his eyes and dragged the palms of his hands over his face. He hated having to deliver this type of news. He knew how Dawson had gotten attached to Ben and Griffin; she would be heartbroken for those boys.

"Kelly! What's going on? I saw your car out front. Where's Matt?" Gabby looked tired, but she had no idea what was going on.

"Hey, Dawson. Listen, I really need to tell you something."

 

 

 

TBC

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own Chicago Fire or the characters, nor am I making any money off of this story.
> 
> Italics are from Matt's POV

 

Chapter 3

 

 

"Hey, Dawson. Listen, I really need to tell you something."

"What's wrong? Is Matt okay?" Her worry kicked into high gear.

"He's fine. He's in the back, on the phone. He got some rough news today." Severide rubbed the back of his neck. "He, uh, well…. Heather's dead."

Gabby's stomach rolled. "Heather Darden? Oh, my God. The boys, where are they, are they okay?"

"They're with CPS. Matt's their legal guardian now. That's who he's talking with now, CPS in Miami."

"That's right, I knew they moved down to Florida somewhere. I never found out exactly where."

"I don't think Matt did, either. Heather never got back in contact with Matt after they moved away." Severide drew a shaky breath.

"Do you know what happened, exactly?" Gabby questioned hesitatingly. She had an idea, but she didn't want to seem callous by making assumptions.

"I only know what Matt told me. Heather didn't wake the boys up for school this morning, and Ben couldn't get her to wake up. The paramedics said she had probably been dead for hours by the time they got there. There was an empty bottle of wine and sleeping pills next to the bed. The coroner hasn't ruled yet, but I guess they said it looked like an accident."

"Oh, no. That's a hell of an accident. Poor Heather. Poor Ben and Griffin. Those sleeping pills…there's not that much of a difference between what makes you sleep and what kills you, even without mixing it with alcohol. God. That's so horrible. "

"Matt talked to Ben earlier. I could hear Ben crying from practically across the room." Severide threw his hands in the air. "I don't understand. I really don't. Heather had to know that she was all Ben and Griffin had. She could have asked someone for help." He stopped when he realized what he was saying. "I mean, I know I'm the last person who should criticize other people for their problems, especially when Heather's dead. I know asking for help is hard. I could have died when I was using, but I didn't care. You don't think about the people you love about when you have a problem that serious. You don't even know you have a problem." Severide shook his head morosely and leaned against the wall.

Gabby was speechless, God knows that didn't happen very often. She hadn't heard Kelly talk so openly about his addiction for a long time. It didn't seem so strange now, but Kelly coming to her and asking for _her_ to help _him_ get clean had been a shock. She didn't know exactly what had gone on with knew she had been in prison for vehicular homicide. Or maybe it was manslaughter. She couldn't remember, except that she had gotten behind the wheel while intoxicated, and someone had died. Heather was the only one who could have admitted she had a problem, a problem like alcoholism, or a dependence on sleeping pills. She was definitely the only one who could have asked for help for herself, and it was too late now. Gabby wished Heather had someone she could have confided in.

* * *

Casey stood in the doorway after ending the call. He heard little bits of what Severide was telling Gabby; he knew Severide had told her pretty much everything. "Ben and Griffin are flying in from Miami on Monday. I have to be at O'Hare to meet them at 8:25 in the evening." He pressed his lips together, avoiding Gabby's eyes, acknowledging her almost as an afterthought. He felt guilty; like he was ignoring her. "Hey, babe. Sorry I was on the phone when you got in. It was…"

Gabby cut him off, rushed towards him, and wrapped him in a hug. "Don't fucking apologize. What you're doing, it's the most selfless thing I've ever heard. I love you for it. Anything you need, all you have to do is ask me. I'm here." She kissed his scratchy cheek.

* * *

Casey arrived at O'Hare an hour before Ben and Griffin's plane was scheduled to arrive. Gabby came too, and drove her car so that both boys could have a seatbelt and not be crowded in the front seat of Casey's truck. Gabby and Casey watched anxiously from a bench as the passengers began to enter the terminal. One by one, tired travelers headed towards the baggage claim. Suddenly, two small passengers entered the terminal; two shaggy headed boys with backpacks in tow. Casey rushed forward just as the boys saw him and took off running in his direction. Ben reached him first, pummeling his body into Casey's legs in a failed hug. "Good to see you, too, Ben." Griffin, however, had stopped right in front of the two, losing his grip on the backpack and dropping it to the ground. Casey squeezed Ben's shoulder. "Why don't you go give Gabs a hug. She's over there." He pointed back towards a set of benches where Gabby was sitting and watching the reunion. Ben obligingly did as he was asked, leaving Casey standing in front of a suddenly pale and shaky Griffin. He didn't know what to say. Casey reached out his arms instead.

"Come here, Griffin."

Griffin's face crumpled as he rushed towards Casey and buried his face in his stomach. Neither one of them had to say anything. The boys were home now, there would be plenty of time later to talk. Casey rubbed soothing circles on Griffin's back. "Just breathe, Griffin. I'm here." He planted a kiss in Griffin's hair as he led him towards Gabby and Ben. Ben was sitting on Gabby's lap, talking animatedly. Both of them looked up as Casey and Griffin stopped in front of them.

Casey cocked his head towards the exit. "Let's go home."

Both boys said they were starving, so Gabby volunteered to whip up something to eat when they all finally arrived back to the house. "How about breakfast for dinner?" Griffin and Ben looked at each other, grinning, at Gabby's question. Gabby opened the cupboards, looking for a mixing bowl and a pan. "I guess that's a yes, then."

A ridiculous amount of banana pancakes and chocolate milk later, Griffin was the first to push his plate away. "I'm full. Can I go to bed now?"

Casey sipped at his coffee. He figured it was probably a bad choice to drink it, but he thought it might be a long night; he might as well prepare. "Wait until Ben finishes, then we can all go upstairs and see your room."

Ben stopped blowing milk bubbles through his straw. "Is it going to be the same room as last time, Uncle Matt?"

Casey grinned. "Yes and no. I fixed it up for you guys this time. You each have your own bed now. Do you want to see it?"

Ben nodded enthusiastically while Griffin hopped up from his chair. Casey got up too. "Okay. I can't keep a secret from you guys, anyway. Let's go take a look."

Gabby loaded dishes into the dishwasher. "I'll hang out down here. Holler if you need me. I'll come up to say goodnight later, okay guys?"

* * *

In the few short days that Casey had to prepare for the boys, he had transformed the spare room into as perfect a bedroom for Ben and Griffin. He had placed bunk beds in the corner, with twin sets of dressers against the adjoining wall. Casey dropped the boys' suitcases and backpacks next to the beds. "What do you guys think?"

Ben leapt into the bottom bunk. "It's awesome!" Griffin was just glad he didn't have to share a bed with his brother anymore. Casey was rifling through the suitcases, looking for pajamas.  
"You'll both go back to school on Wednesday. Tomorrow you can just try to get used to the different schedule and everything. I got the day off to spend with the two of you. I have to take you shopping for clothes and things, but we can do something fun afterwards too." He found the pajamas and tossed them at each brother. "Here. Change into your pajamas. Then go and brush your teeth."

Ben tugged his shirt over his head and tossed it on the floor. "Does Gabby live here too?"

Casey picked up the shirt and placed it in the clothes hamper in the corner. "She does." He thought he might be better off if he stuck to matter of fact, simple answers to the many questions that he figured Ben and Griffin might ask. They could always ask more questions if they wanted.

"Are you gonna get married?"

Casey stifled a laugh at Ben's question. It was so innocent and simple of a question, yet it stopped him in his tracks. It made him think. "I don't know, Ben. We're still figuring things out. We haven't even talked about marriage."

"Oh. Can we go to your work sometime? I wanna get on the truck." Ben zipped up his Superman pajamas. Casey grinned at the rapid-fire pace which Ben changed subjects. "Well, we can go visit at Firehouse 51 sometime, for sure. I don't work there anymore, though."

Griffin dangled his legs over the edge of the top bunk. "Aren't you still a firefighter?"

"Of course I am. I'm still a Lieutenant for the Chicago Fire Department. Deep down, I won't ever be anything else. I'm a firefighter in my bones." Casey stopped, trying to figure out a way to tell the truth but not scare the hell out of Ben. "A couple of months ago, I got hurt while at a fire. I had some surgery. I'm fine now, but I can't do regular firefighting and work on Truck anymore. Not like I used to. I work downtown at the fire department's headquarters now."

"So, does that mean you can't get hurt anymore while working?" Ben's eyes were wide and watery as he peered up at Casey. The thought had strangely never occurred to Casey. The head injury and the career change; maybe it was the best thing that could have happened. He was in a better place to be Ben and Griffin's guardian now. Working a desk job might be boring and less fulfilling, but he was in a hell of a lot less danger on the job now than he was when he worked on Truck. If something happened to him now; the boys had no one. They _would_ end up getting split up in foster care. Working downtown never seemed more desirable than it did now.

"That's right. I could get a paper cut, or burn my tongue with really hot coffee. But other than that, I'm pretty much safe downtown." He paused and put his hand on Ben's shoulder."I'm here. I'm not going anywhere. A long time ago, I told your dad I would always be there for you. I keep my promises." Casey offered a reassuring smile to both of the boys. "Why don't you go brush your teeth. You remember where the bathroom is."

Ben and Griffin came back in a few minutes; Ben had sparkly blue foam around his lips. Casey stifled a laugh. "Come here, Ben. You have toothpaste all over your face." He wiped it away with a towel he grabbed from the top of the dresser. "There. All gone." He sat down in the chair next to the bed. Ben stood in front of him, yawning.

"Uncle Matt?"

"Yes, Ben?"

"Can I ask you a question?"

"You can ask me anything."

"Why did Mom die?"

Casey felt the air rush from his lungs. His chest ached. He chose his next words carefully. He lifted Ben up to sit in his lap. "I don't know, Ben. I really don't. I wish I knew why people died."

Griffin jerked his head angrily towards Casey and Ben. "Mom's dead because she killed herself, Ben. She didn't care about us anymore, so she left us." He locked eyes with Casey, who was not exactly shocked by his outburst. He was expecting it, frankly. Ben's eyes widened and immediately filled with tears. Before Casey could say anything, Ben burst out in half-sobbing, half-talking. "Is that true?"

Casey shut his eyes tightly. He opened them and thumbed away tears from Ben's face. "I'll tell you everything I do know. I won't lie to you. Your mom loved you both very much. You have to know that." His throat constricted. "The doctors who examined your mom said it was an accident. That means she didn't want it to happen. She didn't mean for it to happen"

"She didn't kill herself?" Ben hiccupped.

"It was an accident, Ben." Casey pulled Ben to his chest and held him. _I don't know what I'm going to say when they ask what kind of accident._

Griffin pulled the covers over his head. Casey felt relieved that he hadn't chosen to add any more vivid conversation starters, especially this late at night. Ben's sobs and hiccups quieted, and his eyes eventually drooped. "You okay, buddy? You want to ask me anything else?"

Ben's eyelashes fluttered open, half asleep. "Can we have pancakes again for breakfast?"

Casey got up slowly and lifted Ben gently. "We'll see. I think you're ready for bed. You're falling asleep on me." He pulled the covers back and tucked Ben in. "Good night, Ben. I love you."

Ben smiled sleepily. "I love you, Uncle Matt."

Casey ruffled the shaggy hair before getting up and climbing half of the ladder rungs to Griffin's bunk. "You asleep, buddy?"

Silence. Either Griffin was being surly (Casey could hardly blame him if he was), or he was already asleep. He sighed and carefully stepped down the ladder. He would be here when Griffin was ready to talk. He wouldn't push it.

Casey's feet reached the carpeted floor. He turned around and switched off the lights. Outside the door, in the upstairs hallway, was a sullen Andy.

"I think you handled that really well, Matt. Don't be too hard on Griffin. He acts like that when he's hurting. All that stuff you said's true, right? You weren't in there lying to my kids, were you?"

Casey dragged a hand over his unshaven face. "Antonio is keeping me posted on everything. There wasn't any kind of suicide note or anything. The coroner in Miami didn't find any other drugs in her system. She had a pretty high blood alcohol level though. They think she took her sleeping pills, and forgot she took them because she was intoxicated. She took more. It was an accident. Simple as that."

Andy pressed his lips together and nodded. "She used to have trouble sleeping. Even when I was around. It makes sense. At the same time, it doesn't make sense, you know?"

"Yeah, I know." Casey sighed. He hoped the boys actually were asleep. He didn't want them asking about who he was talking to in the hallway.

"I think I'm just going to hang out in there tonight." Andy pointed towards the boys' bedroom. "Just to make sure they sleep okay on their first night here."

Casey nodded. "Okay. They've gotten really grown up since the last time you saw them. Ben looks just like you."

Andy grinned. "He's the lucky one then, right?" He slapped Casey on the shoulder. "G'night then, brother." Casey watched as Andy slowly walked into the bedroom, illuminated only by the dim nightlight plugged in under the window. He climbed the bunk ladder halfway and placed his hand on Griffin's smooth cheek. He lingered for a second, then climbed down the ladder to sit on the edge of Ben's bed. He lowered his head to kiss Ben's forehead, then sat down in the chair recently vacated by Casey. He waved towards Casey and mouthed "Good night."

If only Casey thought he would be able to sleep that night.

 

 

TBC


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

 

 

Casey's eyes fluttered open to blurriness. There was a couple of seconds there that he couldn't even make out where he was.

He was home; the dark striped comforter covering him told him that much.

There was someone in the bedroom with him; a female figure wearing a bathrobe, rummaging through the dresser. Her dark hair pulled back in a messy bun.

_Hallie?_ He squeezed his eyes together and opened them up again. His mind was hazier than usual today. His vision started to clear.

It was Gabby, grabbing her clothes for the day out of the dresser. Casey shook his head as if to clear it. _I must have dreamed about Hallie._

"Hey, babe. I didn't wake you up, did I?" Gabby pulled the CFD tee over her head. She looked like she was in a hurry this morning.

"No. Not at all. I just had a dream, that's all. It woke me up." Casey immediately regretted his words. He didn't want her asking questions like "what kind of dream".

He had no reason to worry. Gabby was a million miles away this morning. "I didn't wake the boys up yet. I thought I'd let them sleep in a little this morning, I know they were really tired last night."

"That's fine. They're not going to school until tomorrow, anyway. I was going to take them to get some new clothes and things like that a little later. I'll wake them up a little later for some breakfast."

"I started coffee. It's probably close to being done now, if you want some." She sat down on the edge of the bed to lace up her shoes. "Did the boys get to sleep okay last night?"

Casey sat up and moved closer to Gabby. "I think so. They were both pretty upset last night. Ben started asking me questions. Griffin dropped a bomb and said that their mom killed herself."

"What did you say to that?"

"I was as honest as I could be. I told them that their mom loved them and that Heather didn't mean for what happened to happen. I didn't really get too detail-oriented. I figure that if they want to ask more questions, they'll ask more questions."

"Sounds like a pretty safe bet." Gabby glanced at the alarm clock on the nightstand. "I better get going. I can't arrive late in my last week of training." She snaked a hand around the back of Casey's neck and pulled him closer before leaning in for a kiss. "Love you."

"I love you, too. Be careful." _Please…_

Casey lay back, letting his head fall back on his pillows. He had today off as a personal day. It was 8:30 already; the boys would be waking up soon, they would be ready for breakfast. He thought about what he could fix. His mind was checking off all the possibilities when he heard his phone beep.

It was a text from Severide. **Coming over to see Dardens. Be there in 15.**

Casey felt relieved that he would have an extra person around this morning; maybe he could even persuade Severide to help him with the boys. He replied to the text with a simple "Ok", hoping he didn't sound too unenthusiastic.

The hallway squeaked in front of the bedroom; one or both of the boys must have woken up and headed this way. The door slowly opened. It was Ben. _I could have guessed it was Ben._ Casey grinned. "Is that you, Ben Darden?"

The door creaked open. A small figure timidly nodded, rubbed sleep out of his eyes. "Yes, Uncle Matt. Is Aunt Gabby making pancakes this morning?"

"Not this morning. She already left for the Academy. I'll make you breakfast today."

"Oh. Okay." Ben hopped up on the bed and sat cross-legged. "Uncle Matt, I was thinking."

Casey furrowed his brows. "Uh-oh." He pressed his lips together in a mock pout.

Ben giggled. "I was thinking that we should get a dog."

_Ben knows how to work it. He got that from Andy, that's for sure._ "What would your brother think about getting a dog? They're a lot of responsibility, you know. You have to give them baths, take them for walks, and clean up after them." _Not to mention the vet bills._

"Griffin says he wants a dog too. Mom wouldn't ever let us have one, but I think you like dogs. Don't you, Uncle Matt?" Ben turned those pleading eyes on Casey.

"I love dogs. I had a black lab when I was your age. She was my best friend." Casey reached out and ruffled Ben's hair. _Now I'm going to have to say yes._ "All three of us can talk to Gabby tonight when she gets home from the Academy. She likes dogs too. She trained Pouch to do all kinds of tricks. If she says yes, then all of us can go to the shelter on the weekend and look at the dogs. How does that sound?"

Ben nodded his head eagerly. "That sounds good." The doorbell rang, and poor Ben jumped, startled at the sudden noise. Casey laughed, "That's Uncle Kelly. Do you want to go let him in?"

Ben's eyes were wide. He hopped down from the bed and ran down the steps. He pulled open the front door to see Severide standing there, holding a paper bag. Severide's face split in a wide grin. "Ben. I'm so happy to see you." He scooped him up effortlessly in a warm embrace, dropping the bag inside the front door. Griffin must have woken up at the doorbell and the sound of Severide's voice, because he came bounding down the stairs next. "Kelly!"

Griffin wrapped his arms around Severide and his brother. Casey followed down the steps just in time to see the three hugging. He sat down on the bottom step; suddenly dizzy and light headed. He hadn't felt that way for a while; he hoped it was simply because he had just woken up and he hadn't eaten yet.

"G'morning, Kelly." Casey offered a wan smile. Severide noted the use of his given name, something he hadn't heard Casey call him for _ages._ "Hey, Matt. You just get up?"

"Pretty much. I haven't even had coffee yet. You want some?"

Severide nodded. "Sounds good. I brought breakfast if you guys are hungry. There's something else in here too." Severide reached into the paper bag and pulled out two Blackhawks jerseys. "Something to welcome you back to Chicago." He held the two shirts out to Ben and Griffin; both of them eagerly grabbed them and began to pull the tops over their pajamas.

Ben poked his head through the top. "Thanks, Uncle Kelly!"

"Yeah, thanks, Uncle Kelly. This is great." Griffin smiled a sleepy half-smile. "What kind of breakfast did you bring?"

Severide held out the bag. "I have bagels, yogurt, and fruit. Let's go eat. I'm pretty hungry too."

* * *

The food Severide brought disappeared within minutes. Ben and Griffin both drained the last of their orange juice before shoving empty plates away.

"You guys go get dressed. We're going shopping today for new school clothes." Casey's words met with groans from Ben and Griffin. "I know you hate shopping for clothes. If we get it done today we don't have to do it again for a while. Okay?"

Ben and Griffin pushed their chairs in and trudged upstairs. Severide finished off his coffee and reached for the pot, pouring himself another cup. "You want some more too?" Casey nodded and held out his cup.

"How are the boys holding up?"

Casey's eyes flashed. "It's hard to say. We had a pretty rough talk last night. Griffin told Ben that their mom killed herself. I told them that it was an accident, and they shouldn't think that about their mother. I had no idea what to tell them."

"Griffin's a character. He's just angry and he doesn't know what to do with that anger. At least he was talking about it."

"I guess so." Casey set down his coffee cup and massaged his temples. "I kept thinking about how everything has seemed so screwed up lately. I thought my life was over when I had to transfer to HQ. Now, it almost seems like everything happened for a reason. I'm a father now; a father of two boys who lost both their parents unexpectedly. I don't want something to happen to me too. Who would take care of Ben and Griffin if something happened to me?" Casey reached a shaking hand out to grab his coffee. "I almost hate to think that way, but that desk job is the best thing that could have happened."

Severide sipped at his coffee. He didn't buy Casey's bullshit for one second, but he didn't have the heart to call him on it, at least not now. He opted to change the subject instead; maybe a distraction from his melancholy was the best thing for Casey. "It's quiet upstairs. I don't hear anything. Maybe we should go check on them."

Casey got up and placed his coffee cup in the sink. "Probably a good idea, who knows what kind of shenanigans are going on, huh?" He smirked.

At the top of the steps, they could see Ben sitting on his bed, comic books spread all around him. Griffin wasn't anywhere he could see. Casey glanced into his bedroom; now he could see Griffin sitting on the edge of his bed, back hunched and shaking. He locked eyes with Severide. "Keep an eye on Ben for a minute, huh?" Severide glanced his way and nodded.

Casey gently rapped on the door jamb. "Hey. You wanna talk?"

Griffin didn't move. Casey sat down on the bed next to Griffin and wrapped his arm around him. Griffin angrily shoved away Casey's arm. "Get away. You're not my dad. I don't wanna talk. Go talk to Ben or something."

"Whoa, slow down. I never said I was your dad. No one can take your dad's place, especially not me. Kelly's helping Ben get ready. You don't want to tell me why you're crying in my room?"

Griffin scowled, then his face softened. He reached under the pillow and pulled out a frame. "I saw this and it made me sad. Sorry." He held out the frame to Casey. It was the same photo he had on his desk at work: Severide, Casey, and Darden at graduation from the Academy. Casey smiled. "Your dad was the biggest goofball at the Academy. Not just that year, but in the entire history of the Chicago Fire Academy. It's been documented." He stared at the photo. "He always knew how to make people laugh, how to cheer people up. I wish he was here for you. I'm sorry he's not."

Griffin fidgeted with his hands and stared at the floor. "Do you think that everything that happened with Mom was because she was sad that Dad died?"

"I don't know. Grief makes people do all sorts of things. Things they wouldn't normally do. Things they regret doing later. I can't say for sure."

"I miss my parents." Griffin sniffled. "I'm sorry."

Casey's eyes widened under his tense brows. "Don't be sorry. Sorry for what? You're the last person who needs to be sorry." He wiped at Griffin's wet cheeks with his sleeve. "Do you want to keep that picture in your room, so you can always look over and see your dad?"

"Yeah. I think Ben'd like that too." Griffin looked up at Casey, a sad half-smile on his face. Casey gave Griffin's shoulders a squeeze. "Let's go get your shoes then. You can show Ben that picture." Griffin left for his bedroom, wordlessly leaving Casey sitting on the edge of the bed by himself.

He exhaled a series of gasping breaths. Casey looked around anxiously, half-expecting Andy to show up and give him one of his famous pep talk-slash-ball-busts. He wasn't anywhere.

_Figures the bastard wouldn't show up now, when I actually need him. Oh well._

He could hear laughing coming from Ben and Griffin's bedroom. Thank goodness Severide had shown up that morning. He owed him, big time. All the times recently that Severide had helped him out, made sure he was eating, or making sure he went to the doctor and took his medication.

He was a good friend. A constant.

God knows that's what he needs.

 

TBC


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter Five

 

 

It took Casey hours to get to sleep. If he had known the kind of dreams he would have, he wouldn't have tried so hard to fall asleep. Tonight he was dreaming about the last run he had been on, the one where Severide had to drag him out of the collapsing building. He was going from room to room in the dark, smoky, ramshackle building searching for trapped people.

"Call out! Fire department! Anyone there, call out!" His voice was raspy, smoky, and deeper than usual. He wasn't wearing an SCBA. He wondered how he could even talk, much less shout. The smoke wasn't getting to him like it should.

This was a dream.

Casey kicked open a door to find a smoke-free room, lit up from the natural light filtering through the window. The smoke and noise disappeared around Casey as he took his helmet off, pinching the skin on his wrist. _If this is a dream, why can't I wake up?_ His heavy coat and pants felt like lead weights crushing him.

"Look up here, asshole." Casey jerked his head to see Andy standing in front of him, also wearing his full turnout gear. "You know when they say you die your life flashes before your eyes? It's true, even if you die by burning alive in a flashover."

"Andy. I know this is a dream; I know this isn't really happening."

Casey heard a voice from behind him. It was a voice that he hadn't heard in years.

"He's right, son. This dream you're having, consider it your life flashing before your eyes."

Casey turned around quickly to see his father standing _right there_ behind him, exactly how he had looked the last time Casey saw him, absolutely _ages_ ago. His head was spinning.

Another voice startled Casey. "Anyone here got a light? I guess the entire building is in flames all around me," It was Heather, wine glass in one hand, unlit cigarette in another. "Not that I'd expect you to help. You were the one who got Andy killed. You know, everything that has happened has been because of you. What else has to happen before you finally realize that you're just a failure as a man?"

Heather's vitriol was salt in his wounds. Casey sank to the unstable floor on his knees. He couldn't breathe. It felt as if all the air had been sucked from his lungs. He could feel tears, hot and shameful, slipping down his cheeks. Ashamed, he hung his head and tried to turn away, but every direction he turned had an accusing stare shooting into him like knives. He moaned, and began to try to escape through the door crawling on his hands and knees.

"Oh, God. I'm so sorry. Please forgive me, Heather, please. I need you to forgive…."

He was cut off by a sharp, sudden pain on his fingers. She had walked up to him and stomped her heels on top of his hands. She blew a long stream of smoke in his face. He choked out a pained sob. "You need, you need, you need. It's all about you, isn't it? Everyone here? We're all dead because of you." She looked up and grinned wickedly, and motioned at someone to come over. "There's someone else here to see you, Matt," He lifted his gaze to see Hallie standing in front of him. She was walking towards him, her flesh burned and blackened beyond recognition. Casey couldn't explain why or how he knew it was Hallie; he just knew. Her tattered clothing looked like something he had seen her wear before. He still recognized her jewelry, especially the ring on her finger. She took off the engagement ring and threw it at Casey.

"You were just too late, Matt. Too goddamn late."

Casey had completely lost his voice. There was nothing he could squeak out from between quivering lips. He looked down at his hands, unable to quell their shaking. He tried to reach out to someone, _Christ, anybody,_ but there was nothing but anger and hate nearby. His father, Andy, Heather, and Hallie all surrounded him, and Casey blacked out in a cloud of misery and his own screams.

* * *

Gabby was desperately trying to wake Casey up. He had moved restlessly for a while now, but in the last few minutes he had started trembling and jerking. She could see his lips moving quickly and wordlessly. His closed eyes were edged with tears; she watched several drops slip out of the corner of his eye and disappear into his hair. He was mumbling unintelligibly.

He was not responding to her gentle shakes and prods.

Suddenly, he let out a low moan, followed by, "No, no, no, no…..get away, no! Please….." Casey sat up in bed, his eyes wide and confused. He blinked several times, and slowly became aware of where he was. Gabby gently placed her arms around him. "You're okay. You're with me, in bed, at the house. You had a nightmare. You're safe now."

He exhaled shakily, and brought his hand to his face. He quickly rubbed away the remnants of drying tears. "I'm fine. Sorry if I woke you up. I didn't wake the boys up, did I?" Casey cleared his throat and swallowed hard.

"I don't think so. They didn't come in here, anyway."

"Good. I don't want to freak them out. They have enough to worry about." Casey dropped his head to his chest and dug at his eyes with his fingers.

" _I'm_ worried about you. What were you dreaming about?" Gabby's voice was soft and pleading. There was no accusatory questioning tone present. She just wanted to make everything better, or at least try. It didn't matter how genuine Gabby's intentions seemed, the last thing Casey wanted was to have to explain his nightmare to Gabby.

"I don't know. You know how they say you don't remember most of your dreams." The lie flowed from Casey's tongue easier than he would have liked. One look at Gabby's face told him she didn't buy it. She didn't call bullshit, though. She just nodded and laid back on the bed, rubbing Matt's arm and tugging him backwards. "It's still early. Just lay back down. You need to get some more sleep." He sank back down, head hitting the pillows effortlessly. He turned to Gabby and forced a smile.

"I don't know if I can get back to sleep.

Gabby had noticed how haggard Casey had looked lately. Dark circles under his eyes attested to his lack of regular sleep, and there were permanent lines etched into his face. He had aged far beyond his time in the past year. The stress wasn't just showing up on his face; Gabby had begun to notice lately that he had dropped weight. His clothes just weren't fitting right anymore. Jeans that used to fit him perfectly now sagged low on his narrow hips. She looked at his shirtless frame now; she could see several ribs poking out from his torso. She knew that weight loss or a change in appetite could be due to depression.

Casey had every reason in the world and then some to be depressed.

Otherwise, though, as far as the head injury went, he had _seemed_ to be getting better. She hadn't noticed any odd, un-Casey like behaviors from him recently. He hadn't complained of a headache for a while, either. That had to have been the medications doing their job. He had just seemed distant and closed off lately. Then again, Gabby knew she had been too. She had no right to judge him on that when she was just as guilty. She put on a forced smile and clasped her hand over Matt's. Casey turned on his side and faced Gabby, his head propped up with a hand.

"Ben asked me if we could get a dog. I said I'd ask you, but I think it would be really good for the boys. We always had dogs growing up, I really miss having one around the house. What do you think?"

"Why not? A dog would be really good for them, and they can learn a lot of valuable lessons from having a pet. Plus, I love dogs. I say yes."

"Good. I was hoping I wouldn't have to convince you. You have the weekend off, right? I was thinking we could go to the shelter and take a look, see what's available for adoption at the moment." Casey squeezed Gabby's hand, relieved that she had been so open to the idea of getting a dog. Pets had never come up in their conversation, he was glad she wasn't a crazy dog hater. People have been known to break up over differences like that.

"How about Saturday? I'll make breakfast first, then we can all go together. It'll be fun." Gabby rubbed Casey's arm gently. "Please try to get back to sleep, though. You need it, you look like you have the plague or something."

_That_ got a grin out of Casey, even though she wasn't trying for one. "Okay. Fine. I'll stop bugging you and go back to sleep." He grinned again, and turned over to lay on his back. He closed his eyes, his face softened, and some of the harsh lines and wrinkles smoothed out and disappeared into the shadows. He was either faking falling asleep so quickly, or he was much more tired than he could admit to himself or Gabby.

She wasn't falling back asleep anytime soon, though.

 

TBC


End file.
